My God loves and understands
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him.”
Now mom and I have been home for two full days, taking a moment to breathe after. Today I was able to FaceTime Ricky, and to my surprise, he followed my face on the screen with his gaze. He remains strong, still doing exceptionally well on oxygen, and his vitals are holding steady, which fills me with immense relief.
I'm praying that we will see him walk out of that hospital soon, looking strong and healthy. If that’s not what God has planned for us, then I earnestly pray that we can get him as close to home as possible. I have truly enjoyed being at home, wrapping myself in familiar comfort, but to be completely honest, I am also more than ready to be back by Ricky’s side.
We spent our days at home at Ricky’s house, packing his things for the time when he finally returns, while also tackling some much-needed cleaning. During our endeavors, I stumbled upon some real treasures that brought both nostalgia and warmth. I found an old album filled with pictures of us when we were young, and flipping through those memories brought back smiles and bittersweet feelings. But, best of all, I found Ricky’s NA stepwork notebook. Reading through his answers brings me so much joy and insight. I can't hold back the best part, so let me share it with you upfront. “My God loves and understands me. He knows I have shortcomings but still wants what’s best for me.” These profound words, written by my brother, resonate deeply within me. Just as I’ve said before, and remind myself of every single day, “It’s all in God’s time.”
The last week has hit me like a raging rip tide, tossing me about between ensuring Ricky gets the care and assistance he so deeply deserves, battling off the devil’s roadblocks, and packing up a house that is full of memories. Honestly, I think I might now be certifiably insane!
God’s will has been something that resonates with me, going back almost nine years. When Savannah passed away, it was just nine heartbreaking days past the day Chris lost his first cousin, who was like a brother to him. I was consumed with anger that our precious girl was gone. I vividly remember for the first time ever questioning the very existence of God. If God was really real, then why would He allow us to lose two people so incredibly close to us in such a painfully short period of time? Why would He take them from us at all? Why would He allow my daughter to feel the gut-wrenching pain of losing what seemed like a sibling bond? Why would He let Sav’s parents experience this profound suffering?
I can still recall how it felt, like it was just yesterday, when people would say to me, “There’s a reason for everything God allows to happen.” Talk about infuriating; that phrase would ignite a fire of anger within me, making me want to act like a fool in protest.
I walked around in a haze of anger, actually furious and consumed by pain, for several long weeks that felt like an eternity. Each day, I felt the pull to go to the cemetery, even though I knew deep down that she wasn’t actually there; still, I found myself visiting every single day. Sometimes I would go in the dark of night, when the world was quiet and still, and other times I would stand in the rain, feeling each drop as a mirror of my own tears. I would scream, cry, talk, and even sing beside Savannah’s grave.. Daily, I watched in despair as my teenage daughter struggled painfully—unable to eat, unable to go to school, and unable to function at all because of the overwhelming burden of her grief. One day, out of the blue, I received a heartfelt message from a girl I had attended high school with, someone I hadn’t spoken to in years. Her message was surprising and said, “I didn’t know your relation to Savannah. I want you to know that my son didn’t believe in God prior to Savannah’s funeral. He left the funeral home that day with a new outlook on life, a new understanding of God.” I sort of sat in awe, completely taken aback, for a while, letting her words sink in. Maybe God didn’t allow this heartbreaking event to happen solely because of me. How on earth was I supposed to find the words to tell this mother that it simply wasn’t a good enough reason for me to accept such loss? Of course, I didn’t let those thoughts spill out; instead, I chose to respond with kindness, telling her how truly happy I was for her and her son, even amidst my own turmoil.
God allows us to have the precious gift of free will, empowering us to make those critical decisions that can either elevate our lives to incredible heights or plunge us into deep despair. The most remarkable aspect of this divine arrangement is that He already knows what choices we are going to make before we even make them. Even more astonishing is the fact that He continues to embrace us in both our victories and our struggles, whether we find ourselves trapped in addiction, on the road to recovery, enjoying jubilant moments, or battling through times when just taking another breath feels like it demands every ounce of our strength.
God is present with us, working diligently for our good, even when we cannot see or comprehend it ourselves. Your choices, your exercise of free will, ultimately determine whether your journey is smooth sailing or a treacherous climb fraught with obstacles. All the experiences—both the uplifting and the devastating—that God allows us to endure are carved from His love and tailored for our ultimate betterment. Sometimes, for those of us who have faced relentless trials, it can feel all too tempting to pause, sit down, and let anger overtake us. However, the true purpose of these life-altering moments of both tragedy and joy is that they are meant to be transformed into instruments for your personal growth and the upliftment of others. The initial step in changing your life involves allowing Him to work His miracles within you. He knows you intimately, He understands your struggles and triumphs, and above all, He loves you fiercely.
Jamaya is one of those extraordinary miracles that God has been diligently working on. She is making tremendous strides towards recovery and will be transferring to Children’s Hospital later today. While I feel a twinge of sorrow knowing that I will have to walk farther to visit her and her momma, I am overwhelmingly grateful that He is orchestrating remarkable healing within her. My heart swells with excitement as I contemplate the beautiful journey that lies ahead for her and her momma.
In another story of hope, Jackson Cox, a young Auburn graduate whose life was disrupted by a traffic accident, received part of his miracle this week. Just when surgical intervention seemed inevitable, the doctors delivered the astonishing news that surgery was no longer necessary. He has been taken off the ventilator, his eyes are now open, and he is actively responding to commands.
Uncle Carl's son has truly witnessed the power of faith and healing in action, and it reminds us all of the relentless miracles that are possible when we trust in divine timing and love. Jason was released and is now at home home. Pray for this family as they deal with the loss of one of their 9 year old twin boys.
Greysen Stephens, a courageous 16-year-old boy, is showing signs of improvement but, importantly, still needs our heartfelt prayers and support. There are positive developments as he should be moving up to a different room very soon, which is a hopeful sign in his ongoing journey. Please pray for his pressure numbers to decrease and stabilize at healthy levels, granting him the strength he needs.
Last but certainly not least, lift up Pastor Calloway from Mt. Hebron Church of God. His family received heartbreaking news this week, being informed that there’s nothing more the doctors can do. Please join us in praying for God’s will to prevail, as we trust in His plan, and seek a miracle for them. We know a God
